Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
