woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
