Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize