Yo dont text me then not text me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize