Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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