batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
