I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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