WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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