Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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