while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
