i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
