I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
