And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
