I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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