Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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