Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
