I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize