Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
