Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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