I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
