Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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