wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
