Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize