Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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