Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
