My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
