went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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