oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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