I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
