so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
