its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize