I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
