i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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