i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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