i wish there were pregnant emoticons
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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