He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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