Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
