tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
