I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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