we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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