i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
