I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
