she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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