Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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