I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
