Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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