worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
