hotel room ftw
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
