zippers are such a cool invention
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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