i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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