Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize