my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
