i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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