These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize