i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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