you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
