thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
