My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
