gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
