The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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