that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
