Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
