hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
