I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
