accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
