So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
