I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
