nutella sex= disaster
She just used a chaser for red wine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
we should paint friendship bongs
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