We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
