then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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