that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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