I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
