Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
