I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
